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This site was setup due to discrimination and injustice for tens of thousands of fathers in the UK.
The UK legal system allows ANY mother to stop contact between a child and it’s father, without any punishment whatsoever. Thousands of children and dads suffer because some mothers think that it is ok to abuse their children by denying them access to their own parent.
It DOES NOT MATTER if you are married or not, ANY mother can stop access to a father and there is NOTHING you can do to FORCE a mother to give you access, UNLESS she agrees to it.
Judges and the legal system will not help you unless you are prepared for a long, emotionally-costly court battle which only serves to fuel emotions and worsen the situation for most children.
99% of fathers do not know this and have to spend thousands of pounds in court trying to gain access to their own children.
Who suffers?
The children, the fathers and society as a whole.
Until family law is changed, OUR children are suffering because archaic laws allow such acts of child abuse.
Fathers should have equal parenting rights, just like a mother and this will give children a happier balance and ultimately help society become a better place.
Other countries have changed laws so that both parents share responsibility, so why in the UK do we still discriminate against fathers?
Please spread the word and use this site as a means to get the word across the internet, so more people are aware of the grave mis-justice being carried out in the UK and other parts of the world.
Our children’s basic human rights are being ignored in countries that claim to have democratic societies with fair and just laws.
Thank you for your support and lets hope and pray laws are changed to protect our innocent children and make families an important part of life.
Parental alienation and fathers rights are major issues that need tackling and they need your support!
To apply to write on this website or to get involved with UK protests and campaigns, email justice@fathers-rights.co.uk
Mission
The aim of Fathers Rights is to help children continue and re-establish relationships with their dads, which may be under attack by parental alienation and hostility between feuding parents.
Any parent that causes harm to their own children (physically or emotionally) or any other child should be punished severely, without exception.
This site is about caring, loving parents that want to give children the best upbringing they can.
All information on this site is provided in good faith and is regularly updated.
Fathers Rights cannot, however, accept liability for any loss incurred by use of the information provided on this site or for the content of any of the external sites to which it is linked. Visitors considering or involved in litigation should seek qualified legal advice when necessary.
Important Notes
Please ensure you do not say anything that may be in contempt of court in your own or other proceedings on this website.
It is your responsibility to ensure that whatever you say on this page will not cause you or others problems with the law.
Please be very careful.
We recommend Families Need Fathers or Dads UK for personal advice. http://www.fnf.org.uk/help-and-support
http://dads-uk.co.uk/forums/
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phillip short
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clearly there is something can be done probably the goverment will not do anything because they are gready pigs that dont like spending what the country needs i think goverment should be more helpfull and sort this stuff out as im a father my self i might have to go thru the same situation but i hope all goes well i got a screwed on head if i ever become a multi millionaire i would pay and fight for fathers rights good luck to all the fathers out there and hope for the best just dont make ur life a mess take it as it comes and still hope never give up
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googlybear
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10 months ago I suddenly found myself in a court battle. Completely confused and not really knowing what was going on I was suddenly issued with a non-molestation order. At the time I was told this, I didn’t really know what one was, or what it meant.
Initially my wife had left and fled to a refuge 40 miles away. Not knowing why or what she had told the refuge, she was still allowing me to see my 2yr old daughter on a Saturday. This went on for a few weeks until I was served with a residence order.
Lack of knowledge and lack of money, meant I was getting the very basics on legal aid and found myself rapidly trying to read up on everything I could.
This doesn’t seem to be enough, as it has got me pretty much nowhere. As said above, whilst at the first hearing for residence, I was told that my wife now wanted a non-molestation order. My solicitor said I would be better of accepting that, as I hadn’t done anything anyway, so accepting it would show that I had no intentions of doing anything wrong.
What I wasn’t told at the time, was that this would now stop me from seeing my daughter until the non-molestation order had expired, which in this case was 6 months.
I later found this information out, but by now was too late. I have a son from a previous relationship, which from the day we separated almost 10 years ago has been living with myself 4 days a week. I have never stopped his mother seeing him, and visa versa. If either of us want to go on holiday, that is fine, if one of us is ill, the other will take care of our son. Everything was sorted between us, and never involved the courts or CAFCASS.
Due to the non-molestation order, I now requested that my son be able to see his sister, as they got on really well, and my daughters face would light up every time my son arrived on a Thursday. However, I was not allowed to speak to my wife, so this had to be done through solicitors. I have to say 10 months on, I personally have not had a response from my wifes solicitors.
After several months I was advised to get my son his own solicitor, which I did. After sending 1 letter to my wifes solicitor we got a reply back stating that “She had to consider her situation very carefully as so far she had refused all contact” It then went on to say “Our client would agree to a supervised contact centre only if my sons mother would do the hand over”
I was completely shocked and very frustrated at this and, although I agreed to this we are still waiting for this to actually happen. In the mean time my own case has been to court and all allegations of been dropped. Great you might think! err…. No!
Due to there now being 10 months since I have seen my daughter, I now have to go to a supervised contact centre myself. Now, again this is where miscommunication comes in. I was told by barrister that this would only be for a short while, because of the length of time we have been separated. We agreed on 3 hours a week in a contact centre and that both our solicitors would sort out where and when.
What my barrister failed to mention is:
It will be in a contact centre until CAFCASS have done their full investigation.
My wife’s solicitor was to make the referral and it was her decision on which contact centre this would be.
The contact centre she had chosen was 40 miles away from myself and was only open for 2 hours.
On questioning this with my solicitor, she said that unfortunately there is nothing I can do. If I request an appeal, it will take so long to sort it out, we would be back in court anyway. On top of which she would need to request funding from Legal Aid, which in itself would take a few weeks before being granted. This I find highly frustrating that there is nothing I can do.
My son has now got a date in court, which is in a few weeks. Hopefully, as this is in High Court, we may get some actual common sense floating around.
CAFCASS: Had both interviews, all of which seemed to go fine (although you never can tell from what I have read) The officer has clearly said to me on a number of occassions that my wife has told her I am not a violent man.
…well lets see if it makes it in to the report!
All while this was going on, my parents have also been requesting to see their grand-daughter. This has been met with the same ignorance that my sons solicitor got. At the last count, they requested mediation, but has been refused. With no reasons why.
This was also mentioned by the CAFCASS officer, which was told my wife had a reason. The reason was: “His parents sent my parents a letter saying I was mentally ill” Complete nonsense, and how can that be a valid reason for stopping grand-parents seeing their grand-children.
If there is one thing I have learnt from all of this… The UK laws on children suck.
I as a father have equal rights to my children. Yet, If I do not know where my daughter is, there is nothing I can do. My wife hides behind solicitors, knowing full well there is nothing I can do about it. My daughter has a right to see her family. Yet nobody with any power seems to recognise this. CAFCASS say they do whats best for the child. The family courts say they do the same.
Yet it has been proved that all allegations made were false and yet I still have to wait for a report from CAFCASS before maybe, just maybe contact with my daughter is increased.
They can see there is no Police reports.
They can see there is no involvement with Social services.
They can see that no report from the so called refuge she is in was ever filed.
They can see that there are letters from my sons mother stating I am a very good father and that we share equal contact.
They can see she has denied access to my son.
They can see she has denied access to my parents.
They can clearly see she has lied about everything.
So why are my rights being ignored.
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samuel
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I have 2 boys that I havnt been allowed to see for over 14 months now.
I have no idea why not,, She left me for another fella and moved out of the area I have no idea where. I have to pay a stupid amout of CSA everyweek direct from my wages which has got me into loads of areas with my rent.
I tried applying for legal aid and sent all my proofs I.E. payslips, rent reciepts, proof of CSA, bank statements e.t.c to the legal services in liverpool 2 month ago. When I chased it up they said that they havnt received the letter! I canot replace the letter as they was all originals and they want 3months proof……..
I dont now what I can do? All I want is to see or even talk to my boys there only 5 and 6 year old… I dont now what to do????? every time i go round to her mum or dads house they tell the police im harrasing them..
can anyone help me…. Am I to give up and face the fact Im never gona see my boys again???????
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robert
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the law has changed concerning access for fathers to see there children if they abide by these few simple rules if your child was born before december 1st 2003 and you signed the birth ceretificate you have instant parental responsibility for that child you can decide on schools have copies sent to your address everything you would have had if you had still been together the only slight difference is the mum usually gets residential responsibility but dont let this worry you that is just a address for school doctors the authorities its equal parental rights as defined in the children act 1989
if a dad doesnt want to see his son or decides its better when it suits him then they are not worthy of having that responsibility to give there child love care and the security that they will always be there for them
the main thing in a break up forget mum and dad remember this its the child that will suffer and not forgetting the parents rights the right of the child to have access to both parents is the most important right of anything and its always best to try and be reasonable
have read a few forums and do understand how people are feeling but again the main priority is your child you want them to grow up knowing ok you not together you have always been there for them no matter what
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Sensiblemum
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Jamcelt, do you know what generalising means?! I spoke about my situation specifically; highlighting that in my case, the father should at most only have supervised access! there are good and bad but as I said…no two cases are the same…that statement isnt generalising, its quite the opposite.
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Dave
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Like many on this site, I didn’t know of the inequality of the system so far as the legal rights of fathers. I had faith in both the legal system and, the person who I thought was a decent woman, my ex wife. I have two girls (16 and 13) that I cannot see, and there is next to nothing I can do about it.
As some others have said, there can be no simple legal rule. There are too many permutations – good dads, bad dads, good mums, bad mums, difficult children, strains and stresses financially and emotionally etc..
But one thing is for certain – something is wrong. You wouldn’t have a website like this if every relationship ended fairly and amicably.
I believed my ex wife was a fair and good woman – ok I knew that there was no love between her and I (either way) – but I knew that she loved the children and she knows that I love them too.
I believed that I would never have to look at a web-site like this, because I believed that I would always have a loving relationship with my children – I suspected that there would be a period of hurt and absence, but thought it would be short lived, that once my kids saw how honest, decent and fair I was in the settlement (in giving 2/3 of the assets and a generous amount each month to look after them) and that my love for them was unerring that things would be ok.
But I didn’t count on the fact that I misjudged my ex wife. She tells me she encouraged the children to see me, but she will not ever help me see them. I believe she has jaundiced their opinion of me – she tells me they don’t like me, don’t want to see me, and so I have not been allowed near them for 14 months. I have no right to see them as the article states.
When I suggested we may have to go to court to get them to grant me access she just said “bring it on”. I could almost hear her laughter.
But, I fear there is little point in going to court. As the article states, it is costly and is likely to alienate my children further.
The law seems to do everything to protect the woman and children – and believe me I have no problem with that, for when that protection is needed, it damned well needs to be there – but it does nothing to protect the father and children when the father is a good man.
Of course it is all subjective. You don’t know if I am a good man or not… I know I am, so do the people who know me (including my ex wife). But there is little you can do when there is a vindictive woman who is happy to milk the system and hide behind the law and sees no reason to change her own particular circumstance.
I wish she would read this…she may realise how wrong she is. As with everything in life, there is imbalance – the fallout from our failed marriage is marred with it, there is room to redress this and for a father in the lives of her children. And I don’t mean just the new man…I mean the one who brought them up.
Maybe mediation is the answer…because it seems the law won’t do anything to help me.
If I go down this route, and it works, I will let you know…but in the meantime, I absolutely support you all in changing a system that is very, very wrong.
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jamcelt
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So, sensiblemum tells us not to generalise and then proceeds to do the exact same. As you live in a democracy, feel free to exercise your right NOT to be a reader of this site. We will ALL be the better for it.
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Gary
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I`ve an interesting problem, I split up from my partner 12 years ago and have an 11 year old son. The relationship has always been fairly reasonable and I have always had my son, every other weekend without fail, and paid her maintenance every month without fail.
Since her other son has moved to University, she is alone and lately started stopping me seeing my Son using numerous excuses. I had my son this weekend for the first time in a month which really broke my heart. My son wants to see me, he has made that clear and we have lots of fun together, she however seems for no reason as far as I can see, is starting to make things difficult (oh he has a party to go to, we are going away to Devon for the weekend, I wanted to take him with me to . . . .and so on).
I had no problem when these things were occassional and was flexible but its getting to the stage that I never get to see him, and when I do she mothballs me when I return him about the next visitation.
What can I do?
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kevin sawyer
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hi i am at a stand still and just asking for advice if poss on my situation……
i got married in 2002 happiest day of my life ever married my best friend and the love of my life.
we had 4 kids together everything was perfect well so i thought!!
in 2009 she had me arrested for attempted rape. and i was even put on trial for this stupid fairy tale. it made our local paper too. 🙁 this is what they put in the paper about it all http://www.salisburyjournal.co.uk/news/salisbury/salisburynews/4698797.Man_cleared_of_attempting_to_rape_wife/ its stuid.
i was forced out of my home town due to this and i had a restraining order on me saying that i am a violent guy. im 35 and never had a fight in my entire life. i wouldnt know how to fight or be a violent guy. thats not in my nature im too soft for my own good.
well any how. the restraining order was finished and i thought i would be able to see and speak to my kids again after nearly 2 years of having this order above my head so i wrote them a letter just to say that i have never stopped thinking about them all and it would be good to hear your voices again after such a long time and i gave them my phone number for them to call me. but my ex wife took the letter i wrote to my kids and gave it to het solicitors and now she is saying that i have touched up my own kids!!! i was shocked and fuming at this so now i have got another restraining order for another year. im not allowed to even speak to my kids teacher aout how they are getting on at school. i have been taken out of there lives i have a 3 year old son and i was forced away from him when he was only 1 year old and he dont even know that i am his dad and this one kills me each and every day of my life.
how can a woman do this to our kids take there dad away from them when i havent done anything wrong all i want to be able to do is be a dad to my 4 kids again but i am not allowed to because she is making things up about me and i am finding it really really hard. i cant even send them a birthday card cause if i do i could end up in jail for a max of 5 years. its all wrong and unfair that a dad that should be taken away from his kids. all i want to be able to do is be there for my kids and im not allowed to do this is just so wrong…………
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sensiblemum
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I’m interested to know what this website would make of my situation, imagine if you will, your child, the love you feel for them and wanting to protect them…..then you are expected to give them to your ex-partner for a day/weekend etc. who lives in shared accomodation with 6 other drinkers / drug addicts, who smokes drugs, cannot go a day without drinking, has already had the opprtunity to take him out when he’s been shopping and returned him to me after 6 hours, with piss-drenched clothes because he hadn’t even thought to change his nappy. He drives whilst drunk and stoned with no thought for my son or anyone elses safety. he is aggressive, has beat up the push chair and numerous other objects when he struggles with things….what you must ask yourself is… would you be happy allowing accces. would you also sit and worry about what goes on? this is a very narrow minded and ridiculous site. yes there are great fathers out there but there are 10 x more crap ones. don’t generalise….no two cases are the same.
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chris knox
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Fathers who like me are fighting for equal rights to there children should have them the ones who are not interested are not even real men , have been going through the courts for 9 months I travel 1000 miles a fortnight to see my children and dont even get them overnight, all those out there its time we address Broken Britain they call it , and the main reSon behind this is fathers not having equal rights to the upbringing of there children I have served the crown loyally for 14 years and am leaving as the way they treat fathers is a disgrace why should I risk my life for the state when they make it impossible for me to have my children overnight.
all mothers who prevent the fathers from having equal access is parent alienation and is basic child abuse to do this to little children ,
Government get a grip and sort this out or do we have to climb the parliment building again you do not have my loyalty again until you help us fathers who so desperately nead the laws changed thank you for this site and for those that have set it up respect to yourselfs and thank you my kids live in plymouth maybe nameing and shaming these sad mothers is the way , they do not think WHAT IS IN THE INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN JUST PURELY THERE GREED AND INTEREST THANK YOU
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Mark
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Hi everyone, im a bit confused by all this i was under the impression that if a dad has pr then he gets a say in things like schooling, hospital treatment and general upbringing of thier children, so if an ex moves away from the area the children are brought up in and changes their school and takes them away from freinds family and all that they know isnt that taking away that fathers right and the childs right on deciding what school they attend and what area they are brought up in, im in this situation and before i go on id like to appolagise to most of you for sounding ungrateful, me and my ex partner split 5 months ago(she started a relationship with a good freind of mine) i see my girls, 6 and 1 year olds everyday and have them 12.30 sat til 3.30 sunday and have been close since the day they were born, not a day apart, my eldest has wanted to live with me from day 1 even when i was staying at my brothers flat, now ive been told she is having problems learning at school(no suprise given whats she has had to watch goin on around her), and has to attend a special class once a week and to top that off she wants to move 15 miles away which i can only describe as the bronx compared to where we live now and would mean changing school, my daughter dont want to move from the area or school and wants to live with me more than ever, at first there was no way i could ever split my two girls up but im concerned for my eldest, shes already told me she will run away at first chance, so whats best here for my daughter, can my ex just take her out of school at such a sensetive time i can see it only making things worse mentally and where do i stand in all this, any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Finlay
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I like the site, it’s nice to see there are other parents our there fighting the same exhausting fight as myself. I split from my wife 6 months ago after our marriage completely broke down and the only reason i could find for staying was for our 3 yr old son, but I knew that would not create a healthy environment to raise our son.
I decided to leave and after a few days met with my wife to discuss things and was told she had felt the same way for a long time and admired me for having the guts to do something about it. Initially I was getting my son 3 days a week after work for a couple of hours then from 9am to 7 pm on Sundays which was great and this arrangement lasted for about 5 months. I started seeing someone else who also has two kids and after deciding to live together my wife cut my access. She said I was still to get our son during the week but only for 5 hours on a Sunday because the less time he spends with me the better. I was devastated. Having the full day together was great, I could plan lots for us to do but during the winter months I was restricted even more. My wife is basing her decisions about when I can and cant see our son on her emotional state and not what is best for our son.
I went to seek legal advice but the lawyer was very honest and told me ultimately there is no way to force my wife to grant me better access, worst case scenario is the court put her in jail for breaking an official access order but they very rarely do that as it will have a serious impact on the child if their mother is locked in jail.
It is sad that she is stopping me from having more time with my son purely because she doesn’t like that fact that he might actually have fun and a good time when he is with me, or even worse, enjoy playing and spending time and playing with my partners kids… she actually said “I can just see you all sitting up there playing happy families” which almost made me react at the same level as she has been at but decided to bite my tongue.
Well the initial letter has been sent from my lawyer to her so I am hoping that she gets a fright and gets crappy legal advice and decides it too much haste to fight and gives me my full access back, because I will not stop fighting, I walked out on my marriage and role as a husband, but never EVER have I walked on my son and being a father… and I will fight for as long as it takes.
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Mareau
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Missing the whole point or what!!!
Millions of different stories! DO any of you honestly believe it is as simple as giving parents equal rights??
How naive!! Sorry but one thing I have realised is that the law should never just hand over rights like that as if it is so black and white. Some parents would destroy a child if the other parent was not there to prevent it! First things first – the court should be given full details of the split. Who left? Why? What attitudes shown at the time? Most splits are through disloyalty. Is that for the sake of the children and their welfare? Then e.g. that person will leave to be with the newer model and the poor parent that is left to pick up the pieces is devastated, then only to find that they are meant to happily hand over their children to go and spend time with the ex and new partner? This is one example out of however many but it hilights the difficulties. They are not easy. And has anyone actually thought what truly may be best for the child? It is not always to have sleep overs – two bedrooms, one set of rules followed by another, week after week through their poor little lives. It isn’t necessarily good for a child to observe total tolerance of a completely inappropriate situation. They should be taught that some things are not correct and that they have the right to expect more from their own relationships as they get older. No offence meant to fathers here but mothers have that different bond with the child due to the immense connection while carrying the child. This must also be considered. The person who has been dumped must have careful treatment so that they can give their best to the children they have been left to fend for. And then what about the aggressive parents whom the law can quite happily allow a child to be put into the care of? Often the other parent protects the child when the aggressive one explodes. In access cases, the child does not have that safety net of the other parent being there. And that goes for the freaks who love to emotionally damage their children instead.
I cannot agree that it should be equal rights at all. I absolutely believe that each case has its own immense problems and differences that most certainly be addressed before decisions are made that could destroy a child if they are not correct. Everyone holds back on their uselessness when relaying their story. e.g. “She won’t let me see my child suddenly after 2 years!” What the hell? Doesn’t that make you want to ask why?? It isn’t an immediate attack on the apparently nasty mum that will sort that one. It is an understanding of why she has suddenly taken that route. It can be that the idiot ex can’t stop antagonising her rather than making it smooth and so perhaps she just wants him out of her life forever so that she can create a peaceful family life for her children. It might be that she couldn’t move into a new relationship with him constantly there in her life after he so kindly left. It might be because she is just a controlling jerk. But that is why it needs to be addressed by a skilled family court.
I scrape the surface – there are far too many scenarios. So the main thing is, for the sake of the children and also for the sake of the person who gives their life and love to another – STOP SPLITTING UP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Make sure before you have kids that you are with someone you want to stay with? When with someone stop gawping at other people which just feeds the idea that the grass is greener. BE LOYAL. Be kind and gentle -both men and women!! Take your marriages and relationships seriouly and make them seriously fun and permanent!! You will only go and look for the same thing elsewhere won’t you? Commit yourself to your family. The kids don’t get to choose whether you leave or not. But they would rather be in a peaceful house than one with screams, beatings, drunkenness, disloyalty, deep sadness etc and then mum and dad fighting over who gets to have them and when!! Disgusting!! On the rare occasion when a split is genuinely necessary (what? can’t a person get help to stop being violent? Or can’t they choose to be true to the person they are meant to love? It is all about choices!!) then the courts should decide just how much a child would genuinely benefit from being dragged from one enemy camp to the other. I also think they should support the feelings of both parents because mistakes do happen and perhaps it would be truly devastating for a lot of parents to never see their kids again. So again – DON’T LEAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!! Be sure!! If your kids arise just because you were up for a quick screw with someone you would never stay with then you haven’t acted responsibly. This should concern a court and be one of the many things to be taken into account. Do you all see? It is not Rights For Fathers. It is rights for children. Rights for them especially to be in a relationship where both parents intend to stay together but if not then rights for them to remain as unaffected as possible. And dangerous parents that are unable to control themselves in whatever form, should never be given free run over a child!!
I shake my head. What a world we have made!!
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Mr Nasim Awan
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I find it shocking in 2011 How difficult Mothers make the connect for Fathers who do want contact and the children who do want contact . After 14 years of seperation and Divorce As a Father I have never missed my contact with my son and daughter in this time they live 80 miles away and amount of time I have turned up and the ex take taken the children out of the house and switched thier mobiles off. My daughter is now 20 and we have a great relationship she can now see how much negative influence her mother tried to indoctronate into her about me as a father. But she knows I never gave up on both my children even though I was treated like dirt on someone shoes and still do.
What ever happened to equality? does this only work for females? I find it dangerouse for the children and father who both suffer at the hands of ex partners who actually need councilling but will never admit this. There seems to be double standards of behaviour of what a mother can get away with wo willfully makes life upsetting for both child and father. My son is 14 and When The children are with me I make sure my children get to speak to thier mother when we are away. Inreturn the mother and new partner feel enpowered to cuase pain both to the child and father by refusing contact or making excuses. Even when they are home My son’s phone either use to go missing or be put on silence without his knowledge.
When My daughter was 10 she had suspected appendix pains and I took her to hospital they kept her over night and I stayed there slept in the chair next to the bed and rested my head on the side of the bed as my daughter held my hand. My ex partner turned up at hospiatal and found me asleep in the chair. I did not think anything of this untill next day when I got a letter from my ex accusing me of inappropriate behaviour. I physcially threw up when I read this letter. To think of crossing such a line and to use anything to try to stop contact with OUR children was repulsiuve and sick. The sad part is the children are losing respect for her and she is the auther of her own downfall. What I find regretful is those wasted moments of children growing up will never come back. The victims are the children and the father of sick and sad hatred that goes through damaged mothers who feel the law always takes thier side and ecourages bad behaviour. It seems every one has more rights then the father who loves the children and is made to jump through hoops like a dog to see thier children. Is this what human dignity has come to in UK in 2011?
I fear the mothers use the courts to hinder access. The courts should reflect on how deep the indronation has a damaging affect on innocent children. Damaged mothers are now damaging the children and fathers.
Where are the rights of Father who do love and care for thier children and who want to be a part of the children growing up with both mother and father. The susten encourages Mothers to anuse contact with Children fathers. Cafcass should also be aware of long term negativity embedded in innocent childrens minds about the father.
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michael bowles
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i would just like a little bit of advice i am currently engaged to my pregnant girlfriend of 6 years,(epecting my first son lol), but i also have a 6 year old daughter from a previous relationship. the mother of my daughter can be difficult at times and she has recently informed me that her boyfriend (an 18 year old boy, i am 31) who is in the forces is going to adopt my daughter. where does this leave me, what little rights i have now will vanish with this act altogether wont they?
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admin
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Hannah you need to contact FNF who can help you. If you need anything else use the contact form on this site.
http://www.FNF.org.uk
Regards
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hannah
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My partner split with his wife a year ago he has a 18 month old son. He currently serves in the army and is finding it hard to get any advice on how he can see his son. His wife has a number of issues and was recently section i understand he has righys as theu got married however she refuses my partner of any access even though she no longer looks after the child her parents do she now threatens them that if they allow my partner to see the child they will never see the child. What i believe is if a mother gives her child to family to look after full time then she has no right to say who the child sees. My partnerhas tried to get legal advice however he can no longer afford it. Is there any way we can get him.access as he goes away to afghan soon.
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Maded
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I think its sad reading some of the stories, and tend to agree that both parents should have equal rights. Its commendable that men have such passion for their children and this should be recognised.
I have gone against everything I believe as at present as my son does not see his father. When we split 2.5 years ago I made a promise that as our son was only 6 months old that he would not miss out on anything. I fully understood the first 3 years of a childs development was important and put my son before everything. I put aside my personal feelings, paid for holidays and weekends away and invited my sons father to everything, so he never missed out. Even though he never contributed emotionally, financially or physcially I wanted them to have contact. I even let him stay when he had access with his daughter as I had a house and his property to small. I made a promise that I would always maintain an amicable relationship and never forged any new relationships to not confuse my son in anyway, some people say i put my life on hold, I say I am being a responsible parent. But throughout those 2.5 years I put up with him turning up hung over, married men contacting as he been having affairs with their wives and much much mire. He would never let me go anywhere on my own (not even to a shop), he would never help through teething, potty training, infact anything!!! He would not even have his son on his own as he did not know how to bath him, feed him or put him to bed!!! I even changed my shifts at work so he only saw his son on the weekend he had his daughter due to his love of drinking. He has never been allowed to have him overnight on his own but seen him regulary and until recently weekly. Recently there is revelations in his private life that I strongly believe will affect his son as its already affected his daughter and I just can’t take anymore.
I have tried and tried but he lets my son down adn completely disrespected myself. Being a father is just a word he uses to get in my good books and now he has a new partner (only 4 weeks) he not interested, he already stopped asking after his son, and only asks if he can see him every other week to fit it in when he has his daughter so they can play together and he does not have to do anything. I am on my own with my son and have limited support infact just my dad as have a small family, so I agree men should have equal rights, but that has to extend to equal responsibility as well. Having a child is the most precious gift and the joy they bring is unmeasurable but it’s hard and in 3 years I have not had one night out, night off at all. I do not want to appear ungrateful but I wish he did want to be a real father and not just a father who does not want to provide for his son, and sees that if he only sees him a few hours every other Saturday is ok. I was ill a few months ago and had to keep my son off nursery, he couldnt even ask work to go in 30 mins later to take my son for me.
Parental responsibility is in place for a reason and should be exercised to both parents, but how can I leave my son with him in the knowledge he could be putting my sons welfare at risk. Because I have asked for him to go to mediation to iron out my concerns, I am the evil witch who is using my son as a pawn. I would never say he can’t see his son but I cant negotiate anymore as we go round in circles and my son is more aware to the tension….where is the justice its tearing me apart…. my son misses his dad, but all i want him to be is a dad, I commend all of you men who put your children first….and wish men were made (and women) to be responsible.
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Caitlin
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I am the mother of a three year old boy. He was a planned baby in a committed relationship. The father decided he didn’t love me while I was 7 months pregnant and left me. We were engaged but not married. I was terrified of being on my own with a child that was only conceived because I thought we were bringing a child into a stable happy home. He promised that we would stay friends thru the birth (and I assumed forever) and that he would help in the early years with financial support. He even put us into a flat but four months later baliff notices came to the door because he just stopped paying. During the first year of teething, fevers, sleepless nights I asked him if he could take the baby to the park or come by so I could sleep. He is a doctor who worked only three days a week at that time – but he still said he was ‘too busy’. When my child was one year old I found out that he in fact had children with two other women he had married, the two eldest want no contact with their father and as soon as it was their choice (i.e. they were of age) they changed phone numbers. The middle two children he lost in a custody battle in another country due to his drug use. I was lost at sea literally holding the baby. Having a boy I felt it was so important he be with his father – and yet his father always talked about wanting to see him but would sleep past visit times or not show up at all and then when he surfaced go on the attack instead of apologize. our first christmas when my son was four months old i told my family and friends who wanted nothing to do with my ex after all that had happened that as the baby was both of ours i would stay in my flat
and pass the important day as a ‘family’ of sorts. my mother in particular wanted to be supportive but had her reservations. i told everyone it would be fine. there i was four months into the single mother hood lark – isolated beyond belief- with no help, nanny, support of any kind since the day he came home from hospital. the father doesn’t show up. at five p.m. he finally answers his phone asking me what my problem was – didn’t i know the word spontaneous? he had had a dinner party the night before for friends and he needed his sleep. the baby was only four months old he wouldn’t know the difference. this was before finding out about the other kids and the drug issues. my way to kind of manage my reservations with the desire for my son to be a happy kid i came up with a compromise that a babysitter could accompany our son on the days they had visitation. this was because my ex did not want me to know where he lived or worked. the whole world says children need their fathers and yet my personal experience has been that he wins all the support of his friends and family by claiming that i won’t let him see his son when all i’ve asked for is a plan – in order to plan our lives. i.e. some kind of agreement. last weekend he collected our son and babysitter, drove them to his house, left the babysitter watching t.v., too our son to lunch with his girlfriend, collected the sitter and brought them home to me. when i tell you that the sitter is there because of his past history of drug use, that i don’t know where he lives or works, that he is not paying support -that there is no way to find him – obviously the sitter was there for my peace of mind in a horrible situation. to add insult to injury his girlfriend texted me from his phone to tell me i should be reasonable and that i am over protective. it has been lonely, painful, isolating, and difficult. my child is a wonderful boy – cheerful, curious, kind, funny. i wanted him to have a relationship with his father. i had hoped it would be different. but at the end of the day my son has been my responsibility in practice if even in theory he is both of ours. he calls and texts like mad one week, disappears weeks on end. in the end i have now taken a view that given what he did leaving the sitter behind breaking our agreement AGAIN that i just have to concentrate on making a stable and happy home. i cannot have a relationship in this situation. my son is very active and i cannot afford child care. there are not many male role models in our lives. so i am changing my attitude and instead of putting up with the situation drawing a line and refusing to send my son out for visits with a man who will not be accountable of where he lives or honoring our agreements. if he wants a relationship with our son it is now his turn to come up a plan and while he is at it support his kid. he is under the belief that he should only pay when he sees our son – like he’s a pizza. apparently the months and weeks he disappears he should have no financial responsibility because he hasn’t seen him. i am doing best i can but its been tough and while i appreciate the fathers deserving equal power – you have no idea how disillusioning it is to be raising a boy who will be a man, having to be both parents, make every decision on my own. he does say he wants to be involved – the father – but then he refuses to meet or discuss education, the future, etc.
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Tash
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My daughter has split with her boyfriend, the father of my grandson, of four years. Throughout the relationship he was very controlling and happy to sit at home with his mum dad and family, whilst my daughter was still living here with us. They have split up on numerous ocassions because he is a drama queen who wants everything his own way. He has literally spent in a total of 5 nights with them both as a family (in the time the baby has been here, which will be two years soon) and has to sleep lots the next day because he is tired. The fact that he works should be enough in his eyes, so he used to see them on his days off for a couple of hours each day with maybe a whole day to himself, even though he only lives 20 mins away. He once finished with my daughter because she was suffering with depression. Recently he has been suggesting that he only comes over to pick my daughter up to take back to his house or go for a meal and got nasty when she said, but you don’t see the baby enough as it is. Before he has gone 6 weeks without seeing his son and it doesn’t seemed to have bothered him but his parents more. So now we are in a position of him wanting to come over and pick his little boy up (he has had six accidents in the four years my daughter has known him and speeds off from here like a bat out of hell). Now I am all for fathers who have been real good fathers to have access to their children. But really does this dork deserve to have anything on his grounds? … We are talking about a father who shouted at his 6 month old son to **** off because he touched a keyboard and slapped his hand because he wanted to correct his behaviour, before he was even a year old. I don’t think my grandson will benefit from going to his house to sit there only to watch his ‘dad’ play games. (his dad will be 23 this year). Now he wants to play daddy to him? He will use him, to take pictures of them both to put on his facebook, thinking this will proove to any potential girlfriends that he is such a nice bloke, when really hes just a dirtbag.
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K8
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My ex boyfriend is takin me to court even though im letting him have our two children 2days a week which includes an overnight stay.he’s problem is he dosent want them weekends just weekdays for 2hours after school. I feel bad on my kids cause he asent saw them for 3 months because he carnt have he’s own way he as cut contact with them it’s a piss take
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J.Brown
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In Sept 2006 my son (then 7) confided in me that his half brothers dad had been hitting him because he wet the bed. My first instinct was to confront the man in question with serious violence, however I did “the right thing” and contacted social services. As a result they contacted her and closed the case. As punishment, my sons mother denied me access for over 2 months until he ran away from her house to come and see me. He was found by British Transport Police at his local train station and returned home; this happened to be the catalyst that social services needed to act. They investigated and found that his mothers partner was actually wanted by the police, however they were not allowed to enter the property to check on the children without adequate police protection, something they had trouble organising.
Over the next few weeks I had limited contact with Islington SS who told me they would be seeking an Interim care order, described as a first step towards getting his mother the help she needed. I was told the day before the court case and assured that I dont need to attend.
Being a suspicious person I contacted a solicitor who informed me that it was imperative that I attend and was able to meet me at court the next morning.
After a full day (10.am- 6.30pm) of fighting tooth and nail I was granted temporary custody of my son while his younger half brother was placed in temporary foster care.
Thus began a year long court battle. Even though I had stated from the start that if my son wanted to return home and his mother was able to provide a safe environment for him then I would be more than willing to support his decision, I was subjected to false claims and attacks by both his mother and Islington SS. During the course of the proccedings I was forced to drop out of university, give up my job and finally leave my family home as the pressure on myself and my partner was far too great. We were investigated for a number of outlandish claims; all of which fell at the first hurdle but had the effect of ruining our relationship.
At the end of the procceding I was given PR and his mother was given a 1yr supervision order.
Fast forward to Dec 2010.
My son was due to come to me the second week in Dec but his mother spend 4hrs creating excuses and wasting time. As a result the table I had booked for dinner had to be cancelled and I was less than pleased. I sent her a message to show my displeasure (not at all abusive as I am very wary of what I say or send to her), she responded by refusing me access.
So now here we are; I have not seen my son for almost 2 months, his christmas presents are STILL stood in the corner of my living room, I am not allowed to speak to him on the phone or in person, I have only managed to speak to his mother once since this began (3days ago), my daughter is in pieces because she wants to see her big brother and now knows he will not be attending her birthday party tomorrow.
I dont want to return to court but what can I do? My partner is pregnant and due mid Februaury, I know I cant spend another year in court and I know it will affect my son more than anything, however I know I have no choice.
When he was 7months old his mother left us for a year, one of the best periods of my life as we were allowed to bond fantastically. Since then I have him every weekend and all through the holidays, apart from the occasions where his mother has tried to flex her parental muscles. I love him so much and I just want to see him. How can one selfish b***h affect so many lives without even thinking. I want to give up as i just dont have the energy but I know i never will.
When family courts and SS are held accountable we will start to see positive changes in our children, from education to crime. As it stands I believe they actively encourage and support certain mothers to disrupt the lives of their children with the result that the amount of children in care is constantly swelling- I should know, I work with young offenders and children who are failing in education. Can you guess what ties the majority of them together?
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prefer not to say
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I will tell my story so nobody falls into the trap I have. I separated 3 years ago and got a divorce. Proper access was never arranged as we kept a good relationship. Then 2 years ago horror, she disappeared to live with her new fella leaving no contact number or address.
She had minimal contact with my mother and promised she just wanted to get her life sorted for a few weeks then would contact me for access. These promises went on for a few months and I had no money for solicitors. I was in hospital for awhile a subsequently lost my business and home.
Trying to get back on my feet weeks turned to months. I am finally eligible for legal aid so started to contact solicitors. Found one which had a four month waiting time, the lowest in my area. This took total time to 18 months.
Saw the solicitor to find out I will have an uphill struggle because of this 18 month gap and the courts will not accept that any of the issues as a reason not to have seen him. In fact I apparently should have marched her family business and kicked up a fuss despite receiving threats from them in the past.
My advice is see a solicitor or go direct to the court as soon as possible. I would hate anybody to through this or fall into this time trap.
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Gail
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My brother has been with a woman which he ended up having a daughter with 18 months ago,and married in may last year,she has had numourous affairs all the way along the relationship and also has two other boys from previous men the first son is now on his forth different daddy!!!she has gone off with another man twice her age which our family saw as a lucky escape for my brother!!!but it’s the poor children that are suffering…She hasn’t let my brother see his daughter since the split or the boys which he has definately brought up and cared for more than she ever did!!she’s trying to make up story’s that he’s violent and abusive to make it all much harder rather than answering his solicitors letters and getting it sorted.So she’s not responding to letters which cost alot of money and mean while we’ve just got to hope the children are being looked after properly which is doubtful and play a long waiting game!!!so heart breaking for him and us as family to his gorgeous little girl,I think it’s a disgrace that the british justice system allows this to go on FATHERS SHOULD HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS TO THEIR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!
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admin
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Emmanuel
I strongly suggest you join FNF – http://www.FNF.org.uk and attend local meetings with people in similar situations.
If you need further support, please feel free to contact us but if you do the above as a starting point you will get great advice and support from fathers in similar situations.
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admin
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Emma
I have no idea why he or his family would not have wanted to see the child but any break up is a very emotional time for all concerned.
A child-centred focus is always best so do whatever is best for the child and try to encourage and support contact with the father and the wider family.
I hope that helps.
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Emmanuel Kingsley
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Non married. My ex has taken advantage of my love for her and my kids. I have done everything she asked. She is using the law to abuse me and the kids. She’s trying to make me commit suicide.
Can a woman put a devoted father in serious debt then exclude him from the home, refuse all contact with his 2 kids and use CSA to make the father pay maintenance he can’t afford?
I used £16k of my savings to help buy our home (in my ex’s name because of my sick health), spent £20k+ on renovating the house. My ex excluded me from intimacy, our bedroom, the house & recently any contact with our kids based on stress at work. She did this over 6yrs. The police say she can do this even though there is no conflict, domestic violence or acrimony. She had started seeing a psychic.
Now she’s instructed CSA when she knows I’m with Payplan for the debt, struggling to feed myself & pay for bills in my flat. My ex earns at least £40k/yr, I earn £14k/yr. If CSA take money from me, I’ll lose my flat, get CCJs and lose my job. I’m a good father, a good man. Help me please. I can’t afford to pay for legal help.
I’m a British citizen.
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Emma
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Relationships break down, fact. But when mine did I had to push for my no good ex to see his son, at six years old and being a daddies boy, he upped and left him. No contact too busy drinking and other unmentionables. But I wanted the best for my boy and tried and tried, but after let down after let down (to my son) 18months later I’ve finally had to draw a line, the final straw came at Christmas with not so much as a card from any of them even the Nan. Same with his birthday.now its gone full circle and he demands to see him. What do I do?
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Sarah
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Reading all the comments has made me very upset and I feel terrible for all of you. I fear that a battle is ahead for my husband with regards to seeing his seven year old. He has had his child every weekend since she was four months old and he seperated from his ex partner. He has never missed a payment for the child. He has recently joined the Royal Marines and I am scared for him, due to training he cannot see his child on such a regular basis and I think this may be used against him. He is an amazing Dad and his child loves him very much. The child asks to live with us which shows they love staying with us. He is trying to better his life and do something fantastic for the country, yet I think he will be punished and not be able to see the child anymore as the ex will not be happy she does not get ‘rid’ of the child at weekends so she can go and party.
I am so sad for my husband and all of you with similar battles ahead and indeed behind you. Know this- not all women are so vile, I would NEVER stop my husband seeing his children if sadly we parted ways. Have faith, if you know you are a good Dad and you have done the rights things, surely justice will come, surely….
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admin
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Sarah
It is hard to comment but I wish the mother of my child was more reasonable and child-focused like you.
Court is the last resort and will turn the situation into a big war, your partner should read this site and realise that mediation and cooperation is the best policy.
You both need to spend shared time with the children and I hope you avoid court as this really is a horrible place to decide child contact.
Best of luck
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Sarah
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Me and my ex partner separated earlier on last year while I was pregnant with our second child. We arranged contact and have since built on it and it is currently that he has 4hours on a Wednesday evening after work, Friday nights and Sunday afternoons – this totals approximately 28hours a week. He lives with his parents and is heavily influenced by their decisions. I understand and accept that to an extent they need to be involved regarding his access with our children but I feel that they overstep the mark, as ultimately he is the father and its his rights.
I have received abuse from both parents and other family members over his access. He is a good father and would never deny him access but I have issues over certain things such as taking our eldest away for few days as he is only 2 and his brother is just 6 months and breastfed. I dont like the idea of them being seperated.
The abuse got so bad I struggled coping with the stress so sought advice from my solicitor and made our informal agreement more official including a 3 month review.
This was so our youngest could then be adapted into the agreement and would be an attempt for his family to back off.
The new issue is its time for the review and my ex wants to change the agreement completely and if I dont agree wants to take legal action. Obviously I would prefer not to as I would like to believe we can come to an agreement and as the children get older build up on the arrangement to suit their routine, the eldest in particular has gotten used to the routine of going to daddys.
Am I being unreasonable? He wants big drastic changes while I want to build upon it gradually as at the end of the day his children are not going anywhere. I would like to make the wednesday evening earlier as his children are in bed earlier now and move these hours onto the Sunday afternoon but he would rather ditch the whole Wednesday. And have the whole weekend, but when I start working as I hope to do soon I will only have the weekends with the children and I dont think its fair the children wait to see daddy a whole week – I would rather them see him every couple of days.
So am I an unreasonable mother who is using her access as a weapon or am I doing what is in my childrens best interest??
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melanie
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I seperated from the father of OUR three children nearly 2
years ago . We had our differences, he left and my nine year old
she was at the time,packed her bags too out of loyality to her dad
to whom she is very close . I allowed her to go and after talks we
decided this was her choice that she was 100% sure of, it broke my
heart but made me aware of the pain any parent suffers being
separated from there children . Now the children get together every
weekend and holidays equally at his and at mine , It works and we
have made the best we can out of a painfull circumstance. We wanted
them all to suffer as little as possible , although no children
would choose their parents to live away , this was unavoidable
after 10 yrs together we were arguing without resolving our
differences, our 1st concern is the children always. Now my partner
has moved in , he has a three yr old with his ex partner and has
been fighting in court for nearly 2 yrs , It has been very messy ,
painful and costly. His ex lives round the corner from us , his
girl is not allowed up to our house because his ex hasn’t moved on
and uses there girl as a weapon . He sees very little of her, he
has to do whatever the ex demands an she frequently lies to the
court about him , about me , about so many things its truely
shocking that someone could be so nasty and vindictive. He is
having counselling because of how emotionally battered he is due to
having his little girl the apple of his eye snatched from him.
Everytime it goes to court he is granted access being three hours a
week at her flat his not allowed or trusted to go out with her.
Because of the lies the mother tells which are never proved true ,
the court seem to just take the mothers account of things as gospel
and the lies are pretty bad and hurtfull . Today he is in court
again , he will be given every other sat at a call centre , because
the mother has made out he is abusive. He is not even allowed to
defend himself , shes stood in front of the door screaming in his
face telling him what a usless dad he is , when all he wants is
normal access rights 2 see his girl. They will also sign an
agreement to have no contact between each other the 2 parents
because of all the rows which she starts to make contact
differcult. Ive found it very stressfull myself to witness all
these lies and feel like i need councelling myself , i shake when i
walk passed her flat , feel sick if i see her in town. But mostly I
truely feel sorry for the little girl stuck in the middle of all
this. I am loyal to my kids they come 1st and I wish every mother
could be like this. It is so true that the mother can say ANYTHING
she wants and wont be cross examined. And i have seen this
INJUSTICE FOR DADS and abuse to children denying them there RIGHT 2
BOTH PARENTS. I think it may take yrs before his little girl is
allowed to stay over at her daddys house , I just hope we all have
the strength to stay together an keep fighting the ex and all her
lies .
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Karen
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My brother is having issues with his ex girlfriend. They
had a child together and then she broke it off. She is using my
nephew as a toy and demanding more and more money. The trouble is,
she is threatening to move away with her new victim and take my
nephew with her. She has more rights even though, she obviously
doesn’t want my nephew. She is just using him to get to my
brother!! It’s disgusting that there is nothing that the father’s
can do and there is no information anywhere!! Most of the men have
it worse on here so I am thinking of you! If my husband did
ANYTHING to me, I would NEVER stop him seeing our son! Some women
are nuts and give other women a bad name! Good luck to you
all!
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anthony photi
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just spend a whole morning with the solicitors and then flew down to the courts to file paperwork with the courts for my missing children. only had 1 judge working because it is the holidays, what a joke, but argued a lot and was told i could see him if i hung around the courts. and then my wife walked in with a new solicitor to file paperwork to keep the children and keep me away from them and to try and get an order to remove me from the property so she could move back with the kids, even though she had took them and left. end result is she has got to stay put in the place she has gone to with the kids untill next months full hearing and i got contact with my kids through the solicitors tomorrow. so to all the men out there keep fighting for your rights to see your kids and for the courts to play fair as every father should have the same rights as a mother does with their children.
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admin
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Unfortunately this is a common situation with some mothers and is not in the childrens best interests.
I would get your solicitor to advise you but you may need to get a contact order via court but this could take years and a lot of money if she drags it out.
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anthony photi
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i am a father who has only just had divorce proceedings
started against him by his wife. we have been together for 14 years
and married for 7 years. we have 2 young boys under 10 years of age
and the solicitors have asked both parties to remain amicable. i
have done what i have been told to do but my wife has done the
opposite since christmas eve and left the family home with the 2
boys over 48 hours ago knowing the solicitors had closed for
christmas and the police would do nothing. it took me 2 days to get
the police to check in person that my boys are ok. does anyone know
what happens next or do i need my solicitor to get some type of
order to have them returned home when they open
tomorrow.{29-12-10}. my wife told the 2 boys that she was just
going for bread and a paper when she took them so she had none of
their belongings, i.e. clothes, tooth brushes, toys, christmas
presents, etc.
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June Birch
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Hi, this is just to let you know that i have written a book
called “Where The Fox Goes” and one of the main characters is a dad
who is a lovely guy and has custody of two of his children who
opted to live with him and his new partner and her son, and he is
really threatened by the thought that his wife would try for
custody when they have housing problems. I wanted to write a book
which put the dad’s picture in for kids who maybe don’t often see
them and also to maybe change attitudes a bit and I thought your
readers might like to know about it. I can’t afford to advertise,
or I would. It is Christian family fiction, about people loving
each other and it’s non judgmental. Anyway, I’m selling the pdf
Ebook for a quid on my website, http://www.insideoutsider.co.uk and if
anyone buys a copy and emails me at inoutpublic@aol.co.uk they can
have the link to download the free audiobook. There is a bit about
it on my blog, http://dandelionithappens-dendelion.blogspot.com on
the August 14th and 15 th posts, but it is part of a wider story.
Thanks and sincerely, Happy New Year. June
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Jason Patrick
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Best wishes to all here today. I’ve recently gone through a
divorce that took 3 years due to my exwife making things difficult.
I don’t have children with her but i brought her daughter up as my
own since she was 2 and she’s now almost 17. Her mother has now
decided shes not to contact me in anyway, she’s a very loyal girl
and won’t deceive her mother, loyaly is a great quality and can’t
hold it against my stepdaughter. I’ve now not seen her for over
6months and it breaks my heart. As a step father i feel i have
little or no option. I’ve tried talking to the ex but i’m ignored.
I don’t know how i can go forward with this and i don’t want my
stepdaughter resenting anything i do. I’m at a loss
really.
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admin
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Stephanie
Children have a right to access to both parents and ther is no reason for this to be stopped, even if the father is being unreasonable. The parent that acts responsibly and in the best interests of the child is a good parent.
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Neal Beer
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I have been seperated from my ex-wife now for nearly six years. Since we seperated I have had regular access to my son and have had him stay with me almost every other weekend (except whilst I have been in Iraq or away elsewhere with the military, although this has fortunately been very rare) and I have also had him for up to two weeks at a time during school holidays, usually having him for a minimum of a week during Xmas, Easter, half terms and for longer periods over the summer holidays. I really feel that my ex-wife would never try to stop me seeing my son but she essentially uses him for emotional blackmail.
Since we seperated, my wife and my son have lived a minimum of 90 miles away from me, and in the six years we have been seperated, I have had to travel up to their house on a friday evening, travel the 90 miles home with my son again, only to have to again do the 180 mile round trip journey on a sunday to take him home. Bearing in mind I have done this for 6 years, I have done this 180 mile (360 mile weekend round trip) more than 150 times at an approximate cost of £7000.00 in petrol alone. My ex-wife however in the six years has done the single 90 mile trip EXACTLY three times. The reason I have done this so regularly is because my ex-wife says that “if I want to see him, I can come and get him” and she point blank refuses, regardless of how many times I ask her to compromise to do any of the travelling whatsoever. My ex-wife has recently moved further away and is 173 miles from my house, and is still refusing to compromise on any travel arrangements, even refusing to meet me halfway. I feel completely emotionally trapped as I will be punishing my son if I now reduce the number of times I have him per month. I have tried explaining this to her, and she again replies with “you want to see him, you come and get him”.
In addition to this, I have now been paying my ex-wife via CSA since Aug 2010 and pay exatly what they say I should. Previous to this however, I have been paying her money since the month we seperated to the tune of approximately £250 more per omnth than what CSA now make me pay. I paid this amount previously as it was my son who benefitted. Also, when we initially seperated I gave her evrything that we owned in the house, the car, paid for her car insurance for the first year, paid for the television liscence for the year, bought her a new washing machine when it broke during the first year so feel I have been more than decent. I even paid her money during this time into two seperate accounts at her request (I now have suspicions that this was requested to hide her money in order for her to not lose out on certain benefits at the time, but have no proof of this). Why is it that despite me being more than reasonable, and her essentially emotionally blackmailing me that there is nothing that can be done to make her do her fair share of the travelling for the benefit of a child and his relationship with his father. Why? I am powerless to do anything and have to continue to travel at great time and expense because the UK legal system seems to have nothing in place to make things fairer. I could opt to have my CSA calculated on a “per visit” scale which apparently takes ion to consideration fuel cost, but it has already been calculated that I would be worse off despite the amount of travelling I do.
My son was 4 when we sepreated and is now 10. My son and I have an exellent relationship that has been made so strong by the effort I have had to put in to maintain a regular relationship and regular contact with him. I ring him almost every night and again (no surprises) my ex-wife never gets him to ring me using her phone. It would have been so easy (not emotionally for me of course) for me to have not bothered over these years to do what I have done, but there would now be one more child in the world who has very little contact with his father had I done so.
It is just SO unfair!!
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stephanie Richardson
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I have a 16 month old daughter and have just separated from her father. i have agreed with him to have our daughter every other weekend so far he hasn’t stuck to this and even threatened me by stated unless i promised that i don’t let my new partner near my daughter otherwise i would not be able to pick my daughter up. he also through in there for good measure i have already started to go through for court access. please be honest with me am i being unreasonable in not allowing him to see my daughter until its gone through and made official.
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claire williams-bell
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im a mum to 3 lovely girls, after 11 years of domestic violence i finally got out of it, i went to see a solicitor to arrange contact for my girls to be told by his solicitor that he only wants contact with the kids if im apart of it if not he is not interested in seeing his girls, for all the men who are fighting for there kids be strong and u will get the contact u want. us women arent all the same i want my kids to be apart of their dads lives but it looks like my girls are going to grow up in this world wivout their dad i cant make him want them, best of luck to all you men out their and get the contact u all deserve
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malcolm borrow
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ive been separated now since the begining of augast i had access to my two children at weekends at me mothers house, ive been stopping at my girlfriends house at week days but iam moving in with my new girlfriend in jan/feb so i introduced my 2 children to her, now my ex wife wont let me see or even ring my two children, (2yr old girl and a 7 yr old girl) i just want to move on iam in middle of battles with the solisiters just seems so unfair not to just me but the chilren as well it must be so hard on them ive done everything right and they’r just taking away from me hows that right.
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jason
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I cannot beleive how social services stick up for the mother of my children, i am in the middle of courts as well as she stopped me seeing the children,
I had to leave my wife as i found out she was doing sexual acts with my dog, I got emailed the pictures and i contacted the police right away. the police gave her a caution?
To receive a caution you have to admit the offence right.
now the courts and social services know this but yet they still let the children stay with her.
But because there mother was getting back at me she accused me of harrassment and the courts and police have taked this serious.
what is wrong with this country…
if anyone has any help they can throw my way it would helpful as i feel as if i am banging my head against a wall
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Martin Young
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I’m in the middle of a custody battle for my Son who is 10 months old. My now ex partner has got mental health issues and has had her 2 sons taken off her and put into care. one is my son the other is my step-son.
There is a big possibilty that my step-son who is 7 years old will go to his grand parents but my son will be given up for adoption. The reason they said is because I have a drug abuse history. I’ve been clean for 11 months and gone on a parenting course to better myself but still worried that its not enough. I’ve worked very hard to get myself a place and I drive 120 miles aday, 4 days aweek to see my son fro contact and would see him more if they would let me. I’m not going to see him on his first xmas this year but I will see him xmas eve. Its killing me to think that theres a possiblity he be put up for adoption and if that happens I dont think I could cope and handle it not being able to see him ever.
My solicitor says its going to be very hard but is possible for me to get him. All I want to know is who is it that decides who can have thier kids and who cant and since the baby P incident and thats was the most horrid thing I have ever heard but the social services I think have been too heavy handed in it all. They say they’re for the kids but are they really. Dont they realise that its upsetting my son having to say goodbye to me 4 times a week. I missed his first words but at least the foster carer rang me up and I got to hear him saying “Daddy” to me which made me cry with happiness.
Are there anyone out there that have been in the same situation as me and if so have any advice.
Please forgive my spelling. And hope everyone has a great weekend. Take care everyone. and all the best from Martin of Bromsgrove.
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Adrian
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I have a coment and a question.
I am a father of two children who has been separated from them for ten years. I see them regularly, holiday with them my wife and I NEVER needed to go court. I have happily funded the children, supported my ex-wife’s new partner (who is the best step-dad you could hope for) and I still have a very loving supportive relationship with my children (who are my pride and joy) and my ex-wife (who is a great mum and friend) and her fiance, who is just a great bloke who loves my kids probably as much as I do.
So, I guess I am lucky because my ex-wife would NEVER do to me what some choose to – use the children as a weapon, and I have never used money as one either.
However, I have now formed a relationship with a mother of two children, and we are hoping to live togeher soon. She is a great mum, but was and is abused by her ex-husband, who is an absolute monster (I don’t have the time to go into why, suffice to say that despite earning £125,000 a year and having £150,000 cash in the bank) withelf maintenence for many months to force his wife back to work – despite having two hildren to care for – one with low-level autism, and also being a student. He was SO off the scale, he was eventually threatened with prison.
He recently threatened my partner with a new court action to agree a new contact order to spend LESS time (yes, that’s right, less time) with his children. He only ceased his threats when a solicitor told him NO court has ever granted a voluntary request from the father for less time with his children. He said that he didn;t want to see them so much at weekends because they ‘eat into’ waht he calls ‘precious ‘me’ time’!
He is now threateneing to withold child maintenence because he now says I should support his ex-wife and kids.
So, my question is this:
As there are so many groups campaigning for ex-wives who get dumped on by ex-husbands over money etc., and there are so many groups campaigning for men who are dumped on by ex-wives who withold and prevent access, why isn;t there ONE campaign group who campaigns for fairness for the children by fighting against malicious ex-wives and malicious fathers?
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Kyle
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This makes me sad, something should be done about fathers rights, its having a major effect on my baby daughter, me and my family 🙁
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Charlotte
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Fathers rights has always been on my mind – and I have always been so aware of how unequal and out-dated the laws are. Recent events have meant that this issue is now something I am accutely aware of – and one that I think needs to be tackled NOW.
Starting with Leave to Remove cases I have suggested a campaign on the 38 degrees website. If you follow the link below you can show support, and perhaps we can begin to actually make changes in the way the UK ‘justice’ system views fathers’ rights.
http://38degrees.uservoice.com/forums/78585-campaign-suggestions/suggestions/1205479-equal-rights-for-fathers-stop-barbaric-practice-o?ref=title
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shellie
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I am a mum and reading your story brings tears to my eyes. No father should ever have to fight for access to their child it is their given right just as it is the mothers. It angers me so much when i hear of people like yourself who would go to the end of the world and back just to have regular access to their child denied to them because ‘mum’ says so. Surely it is what is right for the child that matters and i believe that is to have balanced access to both of their parents, we are here to protect and love them not use them as a weapon. It’s about time the law changed that both parents get equal access to their child instantly when they split and if this is not upheld then they should answer to someone. I really feel for you and support your campaign. Good luck with the future and i hope you get the access you deserve, FATHERS RIGHTS!!!!